Love & Self Compassion
Self-Love & Self-Compassion: The Practice of Coming Home to Yourself
In a world that often measures worth by productivity, appearance, or approval from others, the idea of loving yourself can feel foreign—sometimes even selfish. But self-love isn’t arrogance or ego. It’s the quiet recognition that you are already worthy, already enough, just as you are.
Self-love is a deep commitment to your own well-being. It’s showing up for yourself with care, setting boundaries that protect your peace, and allowing rest without guilt. It’s making choices that align with your values and honoring the truth of your feelings.
Self-compassion is the gentle companion to self-love. It means treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a dear friend. It’s pausing when your inner critic gets loud and asking: What do I truly need right now? It’s understanding that mistakes and pain are part of being human—not proof that you’re broken.
Together, self-love and self-compassion help us:
- Heal from shame and old patterns of self-judgment
- Respond rather than react when we’re overwhelmed
- Develop resilience by staying rooted in our own inner support system
- Feel more connected to others by softening the harshness we often turn inward
These are not one-time choices but daily practices—sometimes moment-by-moment ones. Like tending a garden, they take patience, intention, and a willingness to begin again.
Whether you’re just starting or have been on this path for a while, remember:
You don’t have to be perfect to be lovable. You only have to be present to begin
Love and Attachment
Love, in its truest form, has the power to heal—especially when it begins within. So often, we look outward for love to soothe the ache, to assure us that we are enough. But the deepest repair comes when we begin to turn gently inward, meeting ourselves with compassion instead of criticism. Self-love isn’t about ego or striving for constant positivity—it’s the quiet, courageous act of holding space for all parts of ourselves, especially the ones that have felt unseen or unloved.
In this space of inner kindness, the nervous system begins to soften. The body—so often braced against danger, disappointment, or disconnection—starts to remember safety. Breath deepens. Shoulders lower. The heart has room to feel again. Through somatic awareness, we become attuned to the signals our body offers—signals that were once dismissed or overwhelmed. With practice, we can learn to be with those sensations, to regulate, to comfort, and to offer ourselves the presence we may have longed for from others.
This is more than emotional healing—it is sacred re-connection. In the stillness of self-compassion, we may begin to touch something greater than ourselves. A remembering. A presence. A sense that we belong to something ancient and wise, where love is not earned but inherent. As we reconnect with our own sacredness, we find that love is not a destination or an external validation. It is a way of being. A way of returning home to ourselves, over and over again—with grace, patience, and an open heart.
Weaving the Types of Love with Attachment Theory
Human beings are wired for connection. From the first breath, we reach for others—seeking safety, warmth, and belonging. Our earliest attachments shape not only how we relate to our caregivers, but also how we love, connect, and respond to intimacy throughout life. When we explore love through the lens of attachment theory, and the many types of love described through culture and time, we begin to see how the threads of our relational patterns are deeply woven into our emotional landscape.
1. Eros (Romantic Love) and Anxious Attachment
Eros is passionate, fiery, and intense—an all-consuming desire for union. For those with an anxious attachment style, Eros can feel both intoxicating and overwhelming. There is often a deep yearning to be seen, held, and validated, but also a fear of abandonment or rejection. The highs may be ecstatic, but they’re often accompanied by deep vulnerability, preoccupation with the relationship, and emotional dysregulation when love feels uncertain. In healing, anxious lovers learn that love can be secure, steady, and mutual—not earned through performance or over-giving, but received simply because they are worthy.
2. Philia (Deep Friendship) and Secure Attachment
Philia is the love of close friendship—built on trust, shared values, and companionship. People with a secure attachment style often express and receive Philia with ease. They are comfortable with closeness and independence, and navigate the ebb and flow of relationships with resilience. Securely attached individuals can offer and receive support, speak openly about their needs, and cultivate emotional intimacy without losing themselves. Philia reflects a love that is steadfast, safe, and enduring—mirroring the internalized sense of worth and stability that comes from early, attuned caregiving.
3. Storge (Familial Love) and Avoidant Attachment
Storge is the quiet, foundational love often found in family ties—steady, loyal, and protective. Those with an avoidant attachment style may long for this kind of love, but often struggle to access or express it. In early life, emotional closeness may have felt unreliable or unsafe, leading to strategies of self-sufficiency and emotional withdrawal. Avoidantly attached individuals may minimize their needs, fearing dependency will lead to disappointment. Yet healing can awaken a capacity for tenderness and trust—reclaiming the gentle presence of Storge as both a given and a right.
4. Ludus (Playful, Game-Like Love) and Disorganized Attachment
Ludus is flirtatious, unpredictable, and often emotionally detached. For those with disorganized attachment, love can feel confusing—marked by both craving and fear. There may be a push-pull dynamic: the desire for connection clashing with a deep mistrust of intimacy. Ludus becomes a way to stay in motion, avoiding the vulnerability of deep attachment. Beneath the surface, however, there is often a profound history of unresolved trauma. Healing here involves cultivating safety in relationship and integrating split-off parts of the self—allowing for play without the need for protective distance.
5. Pragma (Practical Love) and Earned Secure Attachment
Pragma is mature, grounded, and chosen—love that grows through commitment and understanding. For those who have done the inner work of healing attachment wounds, earned secure attachment allows for love to be both intentional and emotionally safe. Pragma reflects a love that is not ruled by intensity or fear, but one that is nurtured through communication, flexibility, and shared purpose. It’s the love that emerges when we have learned to love ourselves first, and to honor our needs while honoring another’s.
6. Agape (Unconditional Love) and the Inner Secure Base
Agape is the love that transcends condition—selfless, compassionate, and accepting. It reflects the secure base within, cultivated through healing, integration, and sometimes spiritual transformation. Whether one experienced secure attachment in childhood or found it through relational repair in adulthood, Agape becomes possible when we are able to extend grace—to self and others. It is the love of soul to soul, deeply connected yet non-possessive. In Agape, we find the wisdom that love is not a transaction but a presence—a sacred remembering of our interconnectedness.